"Mixed Bag"

The condescending voices opened taps of guilt deep inside,
but somewhere even deeper,
rivers of happiness sprang
from the acknowledgement of my true self.

But the happiness,
made me feel guiltier
because no one told me
that it was all right to be happy.

Thoughts running berserk,
pain that drill deep within,
the sense of loss and despair,
weakens, shivers and buries me alive.

Pain within undefined,
tears that fear its path of flow,
weak and fearful to rest my emotions,
I laugh, scream and smile - to hide my cry.

I still have some catching up to do.
I badly need to get
some humour and spontaneity
into my life.

After destiny pushed me from my path,
I realised I was not allowed to die,
I wish I could rest in peace in his kingdom,
His gift was - My LIFE !!

PS: Yo Dude, thanks for saving me, I owe you a Big ONE !!